Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Apologies and other such assorted things

I, Corinne of Yasreadyas, solemnly apologize for the utter lack of reviews. Yeah. School has taken up a lot of my time. But, in my free time, I shall make a list of books that I'm in the middle of that have, so far, been awesome.
(Pictures will be added later)

You Look Different in Real Life by Jennifer Castle

Broken China by Lori Aurelia Williams

In the Shadow of Blackbirds by Cat Winters

Blood Calling by Joshua Grover-David Patterson

I will finish at least one soon, and I promise I'll do a review as soon as I'm done.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Things that make me avoid books

They say not to judge a book by its cover. I kind of do. These are the things that keep me away from 90% of bad YAs. (To be added onto later.)

I will not read your story if the main character’s name is just a mutilated version of a real name. (Abygale, Jazmin) I don’t want to earn a migraine from trying to make sense of the names.

I will not read your story if the main character’s name is blatantly connected to the plot. (Fallon A. Engel in a story about fallen angels, who’d a thunk it?)

If within the first sentence of describing Mr. Love Interest, the word ‘chiseled’ is used more than once, I will not read your story. I will lose hope at the first instance.

If you want to write a story involving paranormal creatures, that’s just ducky, but you are not allowed to ‘forget’ major characteristics of the race you are writing about. Vampires don’t live on hugs and kisses, guys.

Relating to that, if your story is based on an actual mythology, you must get your facts straight. And no saying ‘but what ACTUALLY happened was...’ No.

I will not read your story if I cannot pronounce any major character or place’s name.

If the first sentence of the summary is praise for the book and not by a person other than the author, I will not read your story.

If the title contains any of the following, I will not read it:

His [adjective] Heart
The name of any precious gemstone and then the following: Boy, Girl, Heart, Mind, Soul
Any color and then ‘Soul’ is also not permitted
Oxymorons of any type
Parts of an adage are allowed, but don’t use the whole thing, please

I will not read your story if it at any point vehemently denies any belief system.

I will not read your story if the cover includes a shirtless person of any gender, even if they are wearing a bra. And I am entirely aware City of Bones has that exact thing. There are rare exceptions.

If most of the descriptors are referencing to celebrities or TV shows, I will not read your story. I don’t know who these people are and if I wanted to learn I wouldn’t be reading this book.

I will not read your story if your alien species has a monarchy and that is never explained.

I will not read your story if the title is in a language I do not speak. Not because I assume it’ll be a bad story, but because I will think the entire thing is in that language and figure I can’t read it.

If you describe your character as ‘independent and strong’ but she needs her boyfriend/family/friends to do anything, I will not read your story.

How badly is the cover photoshopped? Are there dead pixels? Do different parts of the cover have different lightings? If so, congrats, I’m not reading your story.

If you write out accents, I will not read your story. (“Ah ain’t got no funkah ack-sent,” he said southernly.)

If the love interest is described with any more than one of the following words, I will not read your story:


I will not read your story if more than two normal words are capitalized to make them sound more “magical”. (“But... her Essence!” She cried, fighting the burning tears rapidly filling her eyes, “What will happen when the Shimmer comes and brings the Twilight?”)

I will not read your story if instead of saying “Book __” like a respectable person, you say “Episode __”.

I will not read your story if there is punctuation in the title.

I! Will! Not! Read! Your! Story! If! There! Is! More! Than! One! Exclamation! Point! Per! Paragraph!